What the End of Semester Feels Like...

Metaphors for My Life Right Now:

-- My pants are on fire, and I'm trying to swat it out with my hands, but then my hands catch on fire, which I try to douse by dunking them in a sink full of water, but the water is actually gasoline and I blow up. Small pieces of me rain down like snowflakes, and children shape those pieces into an ashen snowman that resembles my likeness, which then bursts into flames.

-- I am falling out of an airplane, and the friction from falling causes my head to burst into flames. I pull my parachute, which then bursts into flames and I fall into an active volcano, which then bursts into flames. Also, the volcano is full of lava sharks.

-- I am riding on a train that is going to Awesomeland, but somebody in my car has puked and the odor is slowly filling the car. The windows and doors are nailed shut, and though I try to look ahead and imagine myself in Awesomeland, it's unclear whether it really exists and, if it does, how I'll get out of the train car. Then, all of a sudden, I look down and, oh shit, I'm on fire. [Hint: Awesomeland is a symbol.]

-- I am in a hermetically-sealed room from which the air is being slowly drained. In order to restore air to the room, I need to run on a treadmill, but the more I run, the more oxygen I use. Finally, I become so oxygen-deprived that I drift off to sleep and lie down on the treadmill, which whips my comatose body into the wall. Fires can't start because of the lack of oxygen in the room, but I'm sure that, if there was air, I'd be on fire for some reason.

-- I am a bird that flutters from place to place, picking up bits of string and twigs to build my nest. I spend weeks and weeks doing this, methodically assembling these pieces into a nest. Finally, I finish collecting string, stand back, and look at my nest. What I thought was a nest turns out to be, in fact, a noose. I insert my neck into the noose. The friction from doing so causes my little bird-corpse to burst into flames. I burn on in the night, a beacon of desperation to my fellow birds.


Fun, right?